7 Cheat Codes to Gain an Unfair Dating Advantage as a Divorced Dad
Even if you've got kids, a full-time job, and no time for games.
Red pills are for fuckboys.
My ex dumped me for a woman. After six years, one backpacking trip through Europe, and two kids. It was brutal.
I had every excuse to swallow the pill. Spiral into bitterness. Weaponize my heartbreak and blame women for my pain. But I didn’t take the bait.
I sat with the pain.
Faced the lonely nights.
The crippling self-doubt.
The confronting work of admitting where I’d gone wrong.
Now I’ve got a cheat code most men never unlock. Because when you take ownership of your own shit you become dangerously attractive.
Don’t stay stuck on Level 1. Steal these cheat codes for an unfair advantage.
1. Stop playing it cool
“Let’s see where this goes” is cowardice.
You’re not being sensible. You’re avoiding risk.
I used to think playing it cool was smart. But all I was really doing was keeping myself safe — and stuck. I was a frightened little boy. Scared of being hurt again. Scared of losing control.
I never let anyone past the surface.
So I didn’t feel seen. Every romance I started ended painfully. And it fucked things up for years.
If you want real connection, lead with your heart. Be clear about what you want. If it scares her off? Perfect.
You just saved yourself six months of pretending.
2. Flex your trauma
Sharing your scars is seductive.
Trauma bonding gets a bad rap. People thrown it around as a red flag without context, trying to sound enlightened.
Yes, there is a version that creates toxic co-dependency. You don’t want to bleed all over someone.
But there is a version of connecting through pain that builds intimacy.
And if you don’t own your past, how can you demonstrate your growth?
Your battle wounds show resilience.
Resilience is fucking sexy.
3. Be emotionally literate
Emotional maturity is the new six-pack.
Rarer than unicorns and irresistible to women. Like a sweaty firefighter playing guitar in nothing but a hardhat and jeans.
It shows you’re fluent in a language most men never learned.
Here’s what it looks like in the wild:
You own your part in the divorce without self-blame
You stay open to love, even after being hurt
You don’t trash-talk your ex
You name your feelings without drowning in them
You deal with your shit instead of dumping it on others
Divorce is your launchpad, not your failure.
4. Forget your “type”
I used to audit women like it was a job interview.
Pages of my journal were full of ideal partner traits. She must be:
Fit
Sexy
Smart
Nerdy
Adventurous
Independent
Politically aligned
It went on and on.
This “checklist” became my dating narrative.
A story about control. It closed the door on possibilities. Worse — it repelled the energy I was trying to attract.
Want a real shortcut to connection? Flip the list. Make it about you.
Become everything you’re seeking and you become magnetic.
5. Embrace her agency
It’s not an attack on men.
Just an invitation to become a better one.
There’s a black hole of the internet sucking wounded men into its toxic maw. Teaching them to resent women. To fear their strength. Men like you — a victim of a broken heart — are especially vulnerable.
It’s easy to find comfort in a brotherhood of bitter, outdated values.
You don’t have to be that guy. It’s weak. And a massive turn-off.
But hey — if blue balls for the next six years sounds like a good time, be my guest.
6. Feel like a million bucks
Get strong as fuck.
Everything changed for me when I started working out 3–4 times per week.
The real win wasn’t women noticing I was jacked. It was how I felt about myself. It reminded me I could crush goals. Feel good again. Get excited about life.
It gave me evidence I could do hard things. That I wasn’t broken.
All of this skyrocketed my magnetism. Not because I looked like a million dollars — because I felt like it.
Transform your body to transform your confidence.
7. Don’t hide (behind) your kids
Treat them like a badge of honor.
Not an awkward confession.
But don’t hide behind them either. Many dads let “I’m a dad” become their whole identity after divorce, and it smothers their dating energy. They use it to shield themselves from emotional intimacy.
Not because it’s noble. Because it’s safe.
Both approaches are sabotage.
Dating has always been risky. But the right woman won’t flinch at you being a dad. She’ll admire how you show up for them.
Your kids are not a reason to stay stuck.
Still stuck on Level 1? These 4 red flags might be why — fix them before you blow it again.
If they ghost you, good
Some women will run.
That’s the cost of dating with openness, authenticity, and intention.
Let them.
You just saved yourself a year of pretending to be someone you’re not.
But the right woman?
She won’t flinch. She’ll be drawn in. Not by a healthy bank account, or property portfolio. But by your emotional intelligence, self-respect, and courage.
The courage to be open. To be real.
That’s your edge.
That’s how you win.
Wake up every day feeling confident, showing up as the dad your kids need, and step into dating and life with unshakable certainty. I’ll show you how.
📩 Grab my FREE email course and start moving forward.
Well done. I rarely get pulled into an article this hard.
This is a brilliant list and applies to women, too.