Steal This Reset Hack for When You Lose Your Shit at Your Kids
Fine, you blew it. Now let’s talk about the bounce back.
This edition is for you if you:
a) You’ve ever felt like a human-volcano, spewing more heat than you’d like at your kids.
b) Need a reminder that losing your shit doesn’t make you a bad parent—it makes you human.
c) Are looking for practical (and honest) ways to hit the reset button without the shame spiral.
Two days ago, I reset my "Days Without Incident" counter to zero. Again. But instead of wallowing, I’m sharing what I’ve learned and how I’m trying to do better.
Days Without Incident: 0
It’s 10 p.m. on Wednesday night, and my dad-sense starts tingling.
Something’s off.
I breach my 9-year-old’s bedroom door and find him under the covers, watching YouTube on his tablet like some kind of nocturnal tech goblin. I try to stay cool, but the rage erupts when the excuses start.
I go full Dad-Hulk, yelling about dishonesty and bedtime rules.
My son has ADHD, which means sleep is already challenging. So, yeah, I lost it. Loudly. Predictably. It was not my finest parenting moment. He cried. I yelled. Everyone lost.
My overreaction wasn’t just over-the-top—it was in the stratosphere. Afterward, I felt like crap. Ashamed.
But today, I woke up and apologized. He hugged me, told me he loved me (kids are so forgiving it hurts), and then immediately asked for snacks.
As parents, we’re brutal on ourselves when we lose it. It’s so easy to slip into full-on self-loathing mode, where the self-criticism flows like an avalanche, burying you under thoughts of Why can’t I just keep it together?
But if you buy into that story you’ll always feel like you’re under siege from your emotions.
Yes, you went full Dad-Hulk. It happened. Now your job isn’t to wallow in guilt.
It’s to model self-forgiveness.
Take accountability.
And show resilience.
Design away the guilt
Something I do well after these situations, is think of a design response.
Instead of pretending I’m going to magically fix my emotional reactivity, I ask myself: “What actions could I take now to avoid this situation happening in the future? What system could I create to avoid the triggers?”
Here’s what I came up with:
Reset the password
Set an automatic shutdown timer
Defer consequences until the morning (after a good sleep)
See how simple these are? Any one of these actions would have prevented the shitshow.
Another idea I have is to track how long I can go without completely losing my shit at my kids. Gamify it. Make it a challenge.
I’ll be sharing this journey with you.
Spoiler alert: this counter is probably going to reset more often than I’d like. But progress, not perfection, right?
P.S. If you’re a fellow parent teetering on the edge of a meltdown, feel free to share your strategies for not becoming a human volcano!
For more dadsplaining, check out my last edition. I shared how to not suck as a dad—by treating fatherhood like a skill. Read it here.
Do you want to become a better dad after divorce? I’ll help you ditch the drama, shed toxic habits, and actually enjoy parenting again. Sound good? Express your interest in my divorce rebuild program, The Dad Dojo, and start creating a future you’ll actually feel good about.
Kids are really forgiving, it's a good job they are, if they held on to resentment like some adults do we'd be in trouble. My kids are past the fight back stage if I lose my shit with them, they shout and scream back. So they've mirrored my behaviour back at me and that's an eye opener, it's taught me to stay calm more often than not.
I do like the x days without incident, though, I might make a sign 🤣
I really appreciated the deep honesty in what you shared. It's not easy to admit that we went over the top, but doing it (especially publicly) is a very brave way to embrace the fact that we're human; and while this is not a desirable behavior, taking accountability for it opens up the space for managing our anger bursts in less harmful ways. May you continue to inspire many more Dads though your own journey.