Why I’m Going To Be A More Selfish Parent in 2025 (And You Should Too)
Stop putting your kids first.
You’re 22,000 feet in the air.
The window cracks. It implodes outward, sucking the pressurized air out of the plane. Food trays and bags are flying everywhere. Your kids look up at you, panic in their eyes. You feel the first wave of drowsiness hit. Oxygen masks drop from above.
Who do you help first?
I’ve been on hundreds of flights, but I couldn’t tell you a thing about the safety briefing. Except this part:
“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, secure your own oxygen mask before helping others.”
As a parent, that feels wrong. Shouldn’t you make sure your kids can breathe first? Isn’t that, like, Parenting 101?
Here’s the truth:
You’re no good to anyone if you can’t breathe.
Becoming the dad your kids need
It’s a big job, being a dad.
You’re the leader, protector, snack dispenser, master of tickles, and purveyor of cringe-inducing joke dad-jokes. A human Swiss Army knife.
But none of that is possible if you’re running on empty.
After my ex and I separated eight years ago, I learned this the hard way. I wasn’t the dad my kids needed. I was selfish, angry, and burned out—barely holding my life together.
I was supposed to be their strength, but instead, I was a mess. How could I be a great dad when I was barely surviving?
Before I could be the father my kids deserved, I had to start with me.
The most transformative way I achieved this was creating daily non-negotiables.
These were habits I built to force myself to move, reflect, and grow. They were my version of securing the oxygen mask.
Here’s what worked:
Switching from night owl to early bird.
Starting and ending my day with meditation.
Exercising every day (gym 3-4x a week, but always something).
Writing down one good thing that happened each evening.
Journaling nightly: What would I do differently tomorrow?
Reading 30 minutes every morning.
These routines gave me the energy to face the chaos of parenting. They showed me I could change. Slowly, my sense of self-worth returned.
I forgave my ex.
I stopped seeing single-parenting as a burden.
I learned to love being a dad again.
Happiness is a skill
And skills take practice.
Habits are how you practice happiness.
The biggest killer of happiness is your own limiting beliefs. The ones that whisper, You can’t do this. You’re not good enough.
Action shuts those voices up.
Each step you take builds evidence that you can change. It’s like data for your brain: Look at this proof. I’m not stuck. I’m growing.
Prioritizing these routines is not selfish—it’s how you put your oxygen mask on first. It’s how you show up physically, mentally, and emotionally in the best shape to support your kids.
The formula isn’t complicated:
Small, daily actions. Done consistently. In the direction of who you want to become.
On day one, you might not believe you can get there. By day 60, the evidence will say otherwise.
Start small
My first habit was laughably simple: setting my alarm one minute earlier than the day before.
I kept at it until I was waking up two hours earlier. That one tiny change became the foundation for everything else.
Change doesn’t have to feel huge. It just has to be consistent.
You probably already know where you need to start. It’s that thing that pokes at you when you’re lying awake at night. The part of your life that feels heavy with shame or guilt or not enough.
Start there.
If you don’t know where to begin, don’t overthink it. Clarity comes with action. Pick something, move forward, and adjust as you go.
I don’t believe in one-size-fits-all habits. Change only works if you want it. But you could start here:
Movement. Because a healthy body makes for a healthy mind.
Learning. Because growth is like working out for your brain.
Reflection. Because you can’t improve what you don’t notice.
For me, that looks like a daily trip to the gym, reading every morning, and journaling at night. These habits aren’t negotiable. I prioritize them before playtime with my kids.
Why? Because they make me a better dad.
They keep me patient, present, and energized. They help me lead by example and show my kids the kind of person I want them to become.
By putting on your own oxygen mask first, you breathe life into your role as a parent.
So, what’s one habit you can start today? Start small. Keep it simple.
I’ve become 10x the father after divorce. And have a healthy relationship with my ex. Now I help other dads create more harmony in their relationships so they can move forward, and model positive behaviors for their kids. Enroll my 1:1 mentoring program, The Dad Dojo, for a more peaceful, hopeful future.