Why You’ve Become Invisible to Women After a Breakup (And How to Change That)

Mate, she’s not avoiding you—you’re avoiding yourself.

“8 months single, and I might as well be invisible!”

The little typing bubbles popped up… then disappeared. Then popped up again.

Finally: “4 billion women on Earth, and not a single woman will look at me, let alone show interest!”

“I don’t get it. What the fuck am I doing wrong!?”

I stared at his words for a second, remembering how alone and rejected I felt after separation.

If you’ve ever been through divorce, you’ve probably felt this exact same way. The frustration. The desperation.

You need to feel wanted again, but whether you realize it or not, the energy you’re putting out is working against you.

You’re radiating neediness, resentment, self-loathing*—*women can sense it a mile away.

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A human scarecrow

I was still getting used to sleeping alone when I found out she wasn’t.

She met someone at a work conference. Two weeks later, I was begging her to cut off contact with them while we worked through our problems. But it was too late.

She’d moved on a long time ago.

I felt rejected. Invisible.

I know she never wanted to hurt me, but I felt cast aside.

I moved into my parents’ spare room, while we figured out what to do with the house. It made me feel like a worthless piece of crap. Inadequate. Unwanted.

A failure.

Of course, I immediately jumped on the dating apps, desperate to get some validation after feeling so ruthlessly rejected. But the response was…crickets.

It’s like women could sense the black hole inside me and knew to keep their distance.

This carried over into the offline world too. No woman would look at me, and I didn’t have the guts to approach them. I felt like a human scarecrow, scaring off every woman in sight.

If I’m honest with myself, I didn’t believe I was worth a damn.

So why would anyone else?

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Here’s the brutal truth

Women aren’t ignoring you.

YOU are ignoring yourself.

Of course you can’t get a single woman to notice you. You can barely look yourself in the mirror!

It’s not bad luck or shitty dating apps, it’s your self-pity. Do I have to tell you how unattractive that is?

But look, this is normal for newly divorced dads. And it’s not your fault.

It takes on average 3 years for life to feel normal again after separation.

Your self-confidence has been shot to shit.

So, you’ve got to be realistic with yourself.

I know you’re hurting. I know you crave validation so you can feel wanted again. To massage the devastating pain of rejection. I know how important that is.

But desperation and frustration have an aroma.

And people can smell it a mile off.

I help dads rebuild their confidence after divorce—so they can show up stronger for their kids in just 12 weeks. If you're ready to stop feeling stuck and start feeling like you again, book a free consult HERE.

Let’s make this your comeback story.

Law of attraction (without the woo-woo)

The goal isn’t to get them to look at you.

It’s to build a life that makes you excited to look at yourself.

And let’s be real—diving headfirst into the woodchipper of modern dating within the first 6-12 months of divorce? Maybe not the best move.

Your priority now should be yourself. Put your own oxygen mask on first.

In those first few months, I ignored myself.

Desperate to fill the void, I grasped at connection. Women. Attention. A quick fix for a broken sense of self.

My fingers drifted to Tinder and Bumble every time I unlocked my phone. I wanted to feel wanted—but I didn’t want myself.

I hated who I’d become. A shell of my former self. Confidence shattered like glass. And every failed attempt at connection only deepened the cracks.

After months of failure, loneliness, and exhaustion, I finally realized I was doing it all wrong.

Instead of chasing women, I needed to become an attractive person. I made my list: Athletic. Ambitious. Adventurous. Then I asked myself—am I that guy?

I wasn’t.

So I stopped looking outward for validation and turned inward instead, investing my energy into actions that aligned with the type of person I wanted to become.

That shift changed everything. My energy. My confidence. My entire presence.

Women noticed. But by then, I didn’t need them to.

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The good news? You can fix this.

When your confidence tanks, your anxiety skyrockets. And when that happens, everything starts looking like a threat.

Rejection? A threat.

Being alone? Threat.

Your ex moving on? The biggest, ugliest, most gut-punching threat of them all.

All of this leads to taking less risks. Less action. Less living.

You shrink into yourself. And before you know it, you’re stuck in a loop of self-pity and inaction.

But you can re-learn confidence. Build it back stronger.

How? By getting off your ass. By taking action.

By doing shit that reminds you you’re still alive.

Join a social sports team. Take up an old hobby. Finally learn that damn instrument you always wanted to play. Start lifting heavy things and putting them back down again.

Speaking of the gym—it might be the single most powerful confidence hack out there. Not just for the body, but for the mind. It proves you can be consistent, do hard things, and change.

Plus, looking better naked never hurt anyone’s dating chances.

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Don’t wait until you "feel ready."

That’s a trap.

Motivation doesn’t come first—action does. You move first, and confidence follows.

Think of it like walking in a fog. You can’t see the road ahead, but the second you take a step, a little more of the path reveals itself.

That’s how confidence works. It’s not something you have. It’s something you do.

And that applies to dating after divorce, too.

It’s an inside job. Your energy dictates your results. If you’re radiating insecurity, you’re repelling interest.

You’ve got to ditch the “desperate-for-validation energy” and start accumulating small actions that makes you feel more confident.

Forget impressing the ladies, use this time to try new things. Get out there. Meet new people. Travel solo and review public restrooms like a Michelin critic.

Live your fucking life man.

You don’t attract what you want.

You attract what you are.

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90 days from now, you could be more confident, taking bigger risks, and fully enjoying fatherhood—with a clear head, free from constant negativity. I’ll show you how.

If you want my no-BS roadmap for rebuilding confidence after divorce, I’ve created a FREE email course to get started.

Start here →Let's F**king Go!

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For more dadsplaining, check out my last edition. I shared the #1 mindset shift to make after breaking up with your baby momma: